Ryan White's Cancer Blog

A year ago...

Hi dear bloggers, My name is Ryan, a 20 year old who wanted to be a plastic surgeon. I currently have leukemia and need a bone marrow transplant, but no matches have been found. Gosh... it is so hard to concentrate. I was diagnosed with leukemia about 5 years ago after being miss diagnosed at least twice. I was actually diagnosed on June 5th. I remember being extremely sick during memorial day weekend. You may find my post quite random as I frequently stop to avoid my fingers from bruising and I cannot concentrate at all. I am like a person lost in space. A year after being diagnosed, I received a white bone marrow transplant that helped me for a while. I have to say this has been extremely painful. I can't even wear lots of shoes and I used to love shopping for shoes from all over the world. When I was younger, I had big dreams and big plans. I wanted to be the best plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills and become incredibly wealthy. Honestly, the reason I wanted to become a plastic surgeon was the money, fame, life style, and looks. Have you ever seen a bad looking plastic surgeon? At least not on TV. I guess my shallow ambitions are part of the past. I could not get trough medical school as it is incredibly hard to concentrate and even think at times. I feel so stupid. I miss going to the plastic surgeon and getting the latest fillers on my face and a few botox shots. I used to get so much HELL about it, but who cares, it doesnt harm your health. Gosh, how I miss those days. I used to have friends. I used to be cool. The hardest thing about my cancer is how boring my life has become. For the summer, I used to travel to incredible places and spend a lot of money buying clothes I didnt need. I used to go to big parties in Vegas, W Hotels, and New York. Now, I just go to these boring cancer fundraisers where people just cry listening to our stories. To be honest, I am really tired of pretending to be okay or comfortable. Now, I tend to speak my mind. I get extremely irritated at times. I just spent 40 days in a hospital and this old lady would come and read the scarlet letter to me. No offense to literature lovers, but wtf. I just wanted to blast some Nicki Minaj and tell all these good will workers to please stop these boring activities. Trust me! We do not really enjoy it. I hope I am not coming across as rude, but singing to gospel music or watching the Oprah is not what I want to do before I die (again, no offense). I just want to live a 20 year old life again. Go to the beach, go to the bars, and enjoy life in general. I dont know what to write about -- I am really not able to concentrate. I am extremely sedated and I have really bad anemia, so it is hard for me to even stay awake at times. I also throw up and bleed constantly, so I always have that light headed feeling. It really is annoying. I have an oxygen mask, most of the day, to help me stay healthy. I dont even know if people will read this. This is how desperate I am for life and to live again. I hate how boring people are just because you are extremely ill. Its lame. I am going to go to bed as the doctor is coming by at 11 30.
Anderson, Leann threw a punch at your cancer.
Saahil646 sent you a prayer.
Jill sent you a hug.
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Hi. I came across your blog tonight because I did a google search on blogs about ALL. I was diagnosed with it a while back and wanted to read others stories. Your blog motivated me to get started on my own blog. I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I don't know you but I hope and pray the best for you :)
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Vital Info

Posts

May 27, 2011

Atlanta, Georgia

December 31, 2011

Cancer Info

December 31

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